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Tuesday, January 4th, 2005
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Friday, December 31st, 2004
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Can things get better? i mean wake up and dude...something is wrong with my FREAKING CAR I JUST BOUGHT 3 MONTHS AGO.....which brings me to me subject of this entry..
Is this really how life goes?
Is life just a series of mishaps....with an occasional "GOOD THING" that may happen, so that we don't all get swallowed up into a pit of depression? And my series of mishaps continues as i see others getting their "GOOD THING"....this is a great way to start the new year....
Well you know what? I'm going to turn this shittyness....into my "GOOD THING"
Last night we said farewell to Athenaeum....(We Love You!)
Tonight is New Years Eve...and i will be traveling to Charlotte with Brittney to see her awesome new Boyfriend JP....and bring in the New Year....
Goodbye To Asshole Guys...
Goodbye To Car Problems....
HELLO 2005...this will be my year!
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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| Subject: | ahhhhhh |
| Time: | 3:37 am. |
| Mood: |  infuriated. | | Music: | atheneaum still playing in my head. |
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why is it that you can let one person have so much control over what you think? when you are the one who is supposed to be able to control what you think? I think this is wrong folks......
HOW CAN YOU MAKE IT GO AWAY? JUST MAKE IT GO AWAY!
I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT YOU ANYMORE!!!!! WHY THE HELL ARE YOU IN MY HEAD ANYWAYS IT'S STUPID!!!! YOU SUCK!!
i think i may feel a bit better now......
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Tuesday, December 28th, 2004
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I won't talk, I won't breathe
I won't move til you finally see
That you belong with me
You might think I don't look
But deep inside the corner of my mind
I'm attached to you
I'm weak it's true
Cause i'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So i will not hide, it's time to try
ANything to be with you
All my life i've waited, this is true
You don't know what you do
Every Time you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you've met me?
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So i will not hide, it's time to try
Anything to be with you
All my life I've waited, this is true
I know when i go
I'll be on my way to you
The way it's true
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So i will not hide, it's time to try
Anything to be with you
All my life i've waited..
This is true....
-"True" Ryan Cabrera
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Monday, December 27th, 2004
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Well.....
It's happened....
Let's start with a little history....
In my family there are 3 girls...yes that's right....3 girls....me being the youngest...Elaina right above me..being a mere 10 months 2 weeks and a day older that I....and then Abby.....who is 5 years older than myself...
If your a girl you know what you think about the entire time you are growing up....which is....getting married.... and i'm sure you played "Here Comes The Bride"...where you put on too much wild makeup, a fancy play dress, and your grandmothers Old huge costume jewlery... and then pretended to get married to your imaginary fiance.....and then you laugh fall down and talk about what your husband really may be like....how old you'll be when you meet him then how old you'll be when you marry him....where you are going to live.....how many kids you are going to have....and even what you are going to NAME those kids....
It's all just fun...
Well now me and my sisters are....20, 21, and 25....and we are at the age or creeping to the age...where this is really going to start happening....and it's crazy to even think you are old enough to do this when you think back to playing it as a game....
well i'm proud to say...On Dec. 25th 2004 my oldest sister Abby got engaged...to an absolutly wonderful guy named Bradley....He is so perfect for her....and most importantly he treats her like a princess....and for that i love him as well....
and this means folks...
There is going to be a fabulous wedding....I'm going to get to be a MAID OF HONOR...and i'm going to get to get very pretty, wearing the makeup and jewelery, and wear a beautiful dress....and watch my sister as she takes the next step in her life becoming a wife....
So my entry today is a congratulations to my sister and Bradley...I Love you both...and i wish you all the happiness in the world.....
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Thursday, December 23rd, 2004
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I found this site on Pami's journal! Woot...it actually is very accurate...
Emily
The influence of Emily makes you positive, self-assertive, and independent. You can be creative, inventive, and ingenious in practical matters, such as handicrafts. When you have the opportunity to pursue your own goals and interests free from interference, you can feel very agreeable and express a buoyant optimism. On the other hand, you can be impulsive and forceful when opposed, and act without due forethought and discretion. Hence you have many bitter experiences and generally rather unsettled conditions in your life, with little progress and financial accumulation. You cannot tolerate any domination by others, or circumstances that restrict your freedom and independence. You are inclined to make changes abruptly in your life as an escape from such conditions. When annoyed or offended, you can be very candid and sarcastic in your speech. Many disruptions in friendship and association have thus resulted. Verbal expression is difficult for you, and you can be forthright in situations requiring delicacy, even though it is not your intention to be. The intensity of your nature would cause you to suffer in the senses of the head, as well as with digestive problems. You also would have a sensitivity in your solar plexus. In extreme cases, mental turmoil, major stomach operations, and accidents of a serious nature could occur.
Ok so....I'm ready for christmas! I don't have to work for the next 2 days and that's exciting to me....
so i dont' have much else to say..i may do a survey or something later....
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Wednesday, December 15th, 2004
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| Subject: | GAMES |
| Time: | 12:21 pm. |
| Mood: | aggravated. | | Music: | Not a damn thing. |
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Has anyone else noticed....that people like to play games...
and that is so ridiculous...
not to mention...
ANNOYING!
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i just want to say...
AMBER I'M GOING TO UPDATE.....
SOON....
LIKE....
TOMORROW!!!!
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Monday, December 6th, 2004
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So i was reading my friends journal....and...she had mentioned something about not living the life she thought she was supposed to be living...and this was my comment and her response...
ME-"i know what you mean about this not being the life meant for you to be living..sometimes i feel like i'm just going through life.... not living it...does that makes sense?"
Their reply was:
"not living it?
if thats what you mean.. then i can dig it homeslice... going through the motions yet getting nothing in return?
what do/could you see me as doing?"
I feel like that a lot lately...like i'm just passing time...i'm not exactly sure what i'm supposed to be doing...what i am supposed to accomplish in life....who i'm supposed to be with....when i am supposed to meet them....
and am i doing things in the correct manner now? Or is there something else that i am supposed to be doing to help me figure out what it is I actually am supposed to be doing....
All of this gets so confusing....and it hurts my brain to think about it...
I'm beginning to feel lonely...i mean i have a ton of people i love and who love me....but still something feels like it's missing....
I am very thankful for all of my friends....and especially my new one....she's great...and is always here....and has helped me through recent problems i've been having....and its great to have a good friend close by i can talk to all the time....(everyday! ha)...and i'm sure she'll be there always and i'll def. be there for her....
But....it still brings me back to i feel like something is missing....sometimes i feel old...and i'm so YOUNG....and i know this...maybe it's because i'm not at a university...and i'm not actually living the college life...and never really have...or maybe it's because i have been through some serious hard times...and that made me grow up faster...i'm not really sure....but...i feel like i'm ready to move forward in my life...because i feel older than i really am.....does any of this make sense???
i think i'm just rambling my thoughts out....
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Thursday, November 25th, 2004
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Wednesday, November 24th, 2004
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Yeah i always seem to make things out to be more dramatic then they are...
I was wrong...so wrong...and i can admit that....
I don't like him anymore(this is not entirely true)...i woke up this morning and it hit me...and i said to myself ofcourse..." Self...If he doesn't already see it...then it's obviously not meant to be"...so i'm over it....Peace out!
I can't wait for thanksgiving....mmmmmmmmmm
I'm coloring my sisters hair tonight...and cutting it....
I can't wait for Christmas...
Everyone believes in Santa right....because those who don't believe do not recieve!!!!
Ok well i'm going to take a shower and go get my nails filled in...and...go buy some haircolor....
YAY! leave me some lovin please!
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Monday, November 22nd, 2004
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First off...YAY for my sparkly pink bunny....although i think it is a playboy bunny so i'm not exactly sure what you are trying to imply! Thanks though LOVE YA!
So Cosmetology English sucks, I think by going to this class today...it actually made me dumb...I thought the intent of school was to make you more intelligent not deteriorate the intelligence you already have.....i swear to you, we had the exact same class 2 times within 2 hours....i felt like i was stuck in Groundhog day...it was so strange...and she acted like she hadn't even talked about it yet...but it was the exact same stories....before and after smoke break....IT WAS INSANE!...Everyone at my table was delirious
Next...
Cosmetology Computers.....WTF? it's ridiculous...and i think my teacher has a mental imbalance she had an entire conversation with herself outloud infront of the classroom and then decided because NOBODY WAS SAYING ANYTHING...that we were to smart and that we could figure it out on our own.....(which we are..but it was still weird)so we did...and now i'm done like 30 min early and the class is only 50 min....i feel like i should be playing Oregon Trail in this class...Does anyone remember that? The game you played in computer class when you were like in 2nd grade that was so much fun....well fun then....now....nope probably not so much....
So...Moving along....
i have had like the shittiest past 2 1/2 weeks...i think after saturday though it will start to get much better.....
My manager made me cry at work yesterday...i don't necissarily think it was him....i think i am just tired...and stressed...and disappointed...so when he yelled at me for being late(yes like an hour late...which was totally my fault, but i felt so bad strangely) he made me cry....then he felt bad about it...and was like, "I'm so sorry you're a great server, and a great employee" I think i just topped off the fact that everyone was late...so i got the shitty end result....but who cries because of this? ya know? i mean how emotional must one be to cry over something so insanely ridiculous....me...and i did....and i have been like this for like well 2 1/2 weeks....if something looks at me the wrong way i could cry right now...it sucks.....i think it runs in my family too though....we are all very over emotional women....so can you imagine living in my house?......lordy....
Will this ever be over?
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Friday, November 19th, 2004
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| Subject: | Song |
| Time: | 11:35 pm. |
| Mood: |  crushed. | | Music: | absolute silence. |
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I guess it's luck, but it's the same hard luck
You've been trying to tame.
Maybe it's love but it's like you said...
Love is like a role that we play.
But you're chasing the ghost of a good thing
Haunting yourself,
as the real thing is getting away from you again,
while you're chasing ghosts.
Just bend the pieces till they fit,
like they were made to fit
But they weren't made for this
No they weren't made for this...
ahhhhhh....music feeds the soul....
leave me something....
someone tell me something...
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Thursday, November 18th, 2004
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Don't you hate when your ears itch and you feel like you just can't get to it...so it continues to itch....and itch and itch....well mine are doing that now...
I am in such a weird mood....i feel like....i'm confused....
1) I dont know if i want to do what i'm going to be doing for life(hair)....lately i have been having the oddest feelings about it....and i'm burned out of that stupid place
2) I don't know how i feel about certain people...well i know how i feel i think....but things didn't and aren't working out the way i want them to...and i don't know what to do about the feelings that i have about those certain people....i think i just want them to go away...it would make life so much easier for me....why do people walk into your life when it seems to be going so well and screw up your entire thought pattern! It's not fair...
3) I am tired of looking for that certain someone....i'm tired of playing games....i know i'm young but i'm not one to play around...i'd rather just meet the person i'm going to be with so i can get this started....
4) I want to move out and have that experience but can't find a place that my friend an I are both happy with that will let us have pets....
5) I really want a puppy dog of my own...and my parents will not let me have one here...so it's setting me back....
6) I'm not excited about christmas and having to spend a lot of money.....
AHHHH why does everything hit you at once....or is it that you start to think about one thing and then....because you are thinking about that...you start to evaluate everything in your life???
I'm so glad that i have my new friend though....actually my new BEST friend...
Leave me some love...and advice....
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Tuesday, November 16th, 2004
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| Time: | 11:27 pm. |
| Mood: |  blah. | | Music: | the sound of laundry in the dryer. |
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So we had dinner last night....
it went well.....atleast i know we can try to maybe be friends now....
Please God show me some kind of freakin sign...so i don't think i am INSANE....
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Thursday, October 28th, 2004
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Well i was going to update...due to people asking when i'm going to..
But..
It's almost 1 a.m. and i have school in the morning...and i'm leaving for Indiana and still have to finish packing.......
So needless to say...i will update....
Later....
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Tuesday, October 19th, 2004
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I always liked this....It helped me the first time i read it....
Forgive those who have hurt you. Not one person reading this Devotional
today, has not had someone at some point in your life hurt you. Some of you
may have been physically or sexually abused as a child by a mother, a
father, a relative, or someone your family knew. Some of you may have had a
wonderful childhood, but in your young adult life been hurt by a boyfriend
or girlfriend. Some of you may have been the victim of a horrible crime
like robbery or rape.
Still others may have been deeply hurt by your husband or wife that wanted a
divorce. There are many of you that have been hurt later in life by your
children. Lots of people reading this have been hurt by employers, business
associates, or close friends. Sadly, some of you have even been hurt by a
pastor or someone in your church. The fact is, EVERYONE reading this today
has been hurt at some point in your life.
As painful as the experience was that caused this hurt in your life, so many
people have compounded that pain by letting bitterness, even hatred into
their life against the person or people who caused your pain. Today, I am
going to help set you free from this hurt and pain you have experienced in
your life.
In a prison, they have a central lock that can automatically open all of the
cell doors in a given area. If you have ever been in prison or watched a
prison movie you know what I am talking about. There is the loud buzz,
followed by the clanking sound of all of the cell doors automatically
opening. Today, many of you are in prison from the hurts and pains in your
life. Today, the cell door is going to open and you are going to be FREE!!!
The key to unlocking that door is FORGIVENESS. As simple as this may seem,
it can be one of the most difficult things in this world to do. Forgiving
someone who has hurt us deeply is one of the hardest things to do in life.
It is not something that we can even do in our own strength, but must be
done in the strength we get from the Lord.
I realize that many people right now are saying, "NO WAY, not after what
that person did to me." As a Christian, it should be our goal to be like
our Lord every day. What were some of the last words Christ spoke from the
cross? What was his last act before dying that horrific death? He asked
God to forgive those who had crucified Him!
When we sin, and we all sin every day, what do we do? We go to God and ask
Him to forgive us. We do so with the full assurance that He will forgive us
because He has promised to in His Word. In Colossians 3:13 the Bible tells
us to "forgive as the Lord forgave you."
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Wednesday, October 13th, 2004
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So i had a missed call tonight on my phone when i got out of work tonight...and i never ever have seen this number before....and i'm the type of person that will call the number and find out who the hell is calling my phone...
So i call the number..
it rings....rings....rings....
Voicemail....(i hate when that happens)....and the voicemail says..."Hey this is Dawn leave a message".....
See now...Dawn...is the girlfriend of the guy...i dated back in like April...and this is a guy that i haven't spoken to since....JUNE.....why? you may ask...because he is a loser....
so here i am thinking....Why the hell would she be calling my phone...and i know in my head it's not her...it's got to be him....using her phone(because that is the way he is)...and then i'm thinking why would he be calling me(a lot happened btwn us..because i just don't hate people for no reason)....so i was standing there getting more and more frustrated....
So what do i do?
I called the number again....Ring....Ring.....Ring...
and she ANSWERS! ha...so i'm like...."hey did someone call Emily tonight"...
and her reply...
"Um NO" (in that WTF whatever there is no way, kind of voice, like when i said my name she knew who i was)
so i said...
"yeah well i was just checking because i had a missed call on my phone while i was at work tonight..."
and she says...
"Well it must have been an accident"(ha)
so i say....
"alright well it's cool i guess...bye..."and i hung up....
Yeah F'n right....you don't accidently call my phone when you never had my number in the first place...4 months after the last time i talked to YOUR boyfriend....
There is something wrong with this picture....
So my message is...DO NOT EVER CALL MY PHONE AGAIN...because...IF YOU DO I HAVE A LOT I WISH TO SAY...and....IT'S NOT NICE.....so...DO ME THAT FAVOR...and yes i sent that message through someone else to him and her so they dont' ACCIDENTLY call me again....
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Tuesday, October 12th, 2004
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You know....a year ago Oct. 11 i hated myself...i hated my life...and everything that was going on around me...i thought i had nothing to live for...i thought that nobody loved me....or really cared about me....i was so confused on what i wanted...where i wanted to be....and who i wanted to be with....and then...the very next day it all became so clear....a light just snapped on in my head...and i said..."NO MORE"...i still don't know even to this day what triggered it....
So...Today is a day of personal CELEBRATION...
Oct. the 12th 2003 was one of the most important dates of my life...It was the day...I woke up and started to become myself again...
It's been exactly one year since the day i moved home...I am learning every day how happy that i am to be back where people love me...as much as i love them....It's amazing how many things you can accomplish once you actually are in an environment that allows you to be who you are and do the things you set out to do without holding you back....
I have had the most wonderful year...
I still have my wonderful kitty Tink(i love this cat...we have a special relationship, she is my baby), I have regained all of my friendships if not made them stronger....my relationship with my family is awesome...and i'd say, better than it has ever been.....I have gone back to school and am very proud to say that i will be done in May....but now i'm seriously thinking about going back to school after a finish this...and that's OK.....and I have worked my ass of and have bought myself a wonderful Jetta....and STILL HAVE MONEY(which is a lot considering how much i had a year ago today!)
But i realize that i never could have done this alone...So this entry is to thank everyone who has been there for me in the past year...who always cared about me...and never lost faith in me....and stood by me in every way possible....(Mom, Dad, Abby, Elaina, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Grandparents, Jennifer C., M.K.B., Abby A., Jennifer P., Brittney M., Kally, Shannon, Lisa, Fara and Chris, Aaron, Ashley S., ) and ofcourse everyone that i'm forgetting....
and also...to the 2 girls who experienced as much as me....I'm so glad that the 2 of you...are now regaining your happiness....and that everything is going well for you....i'm so sorry that this happened....and that we let someone like HIM...control our minds and put hate into our hearts....my thoughts and prayers are always with you...and girls like us....and i pray that we are the end of his madness/psychoness....and that he will get what he deserves....
in the end...love will prevail...and his evil will die.....
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moonvine5's journal
anxious.
excited.
busy.
restless.
tired.